Codependence.
Narrative
“It's been a rollercoaster. I think all of this started with my own paranoia...or maybe my fear of being on my own. I think, as the years have gone by, my mind has changed the way I interact with people, most especially those that I care about.
For me, it came in the form of wanting someone there to constantly care for me, so I would never feel lonely or be alone and always, I'd forget to give all of this back.
Soon enough I realised how selfish I was, how narcissistic I had become.
Sometimes I wonder if I should blame myself or blame "love" because, love makes you blind doesn’t it?..."
"...after a while, I decided to step away from this utterly annoying fear of mine and decided to focus on something else, everything else I guess?
Everyone else.
I found myself developing so much empathy and understanding of others, how people were affected by my words and actions, always wanting to take care of...is it possible to just love everyone in the world like we are all a bunch of siblings separated by continents? I would if I could.
Soon enough, I became...I developed an intense and sometimes irrational fear of hurting people's feelings, even if their behaviour was to my own detriment, I just believed that the average person was as fragile as Humpty Dumpty or...
...as fragile as me?..."
"...from one extreme to the other.
I don't know how to feel about it, sometimes I wonder if it was weakness or strength that got me there.
Paramountly, I blame my inability to make logical decisions under the influence of love.
...or maybe my fear of losing control over my own life.
I'm sure the guilt of realising that I was once so blind flipped a switch somewhere.
Anyway, things have changed now.
At some point, not sure when, I decided to channel everything towards loving myself, only then did I develop clarity.
I think, once love is stripped of all that makes it exceptional, it is nothing but a power struggle. The moment you start to treat it as such, you would hope not to be as blind as you once were...
Maybe, just maybe..."
Parting words:
Hello everyone! I am so excited to be putting up my 10th blog post! I am so happy with how well-received my blog has been over the last few months, the support so far is extremely encouraging. A huge thank you from the bottom of my heart to all my subscribers and everyone reading this right now!
I took a different approach with this post and I hope this first-person narrative sparks some thought in you.
As per usual tradition, one question before I leave you:
Has love ever changed you?